Make Money Online Starter Guide

So you heard that you can make a bazillion dollars on the internet. Like me, you have probably spent a goodly amount of money pursuing this goal. Like me, you probably haven't made much, probably haven't even broke even yet.

When I started everything was just wonderful; one website after another promised me that if I bought their program and followed their instructions the money would start rolling in. Naturally I bought the program ( how to build a website was the first I think ), maybe $97 - don't remember now, and quickly learned enough html to build a crappy looking site. Before long I found out I could spend even more money and just buy templates which were at least slightly less crappy looking than my own. I've forgotten how much my first templates cost but I have since spent even more money on even better crappy templates. My website has gotten less crappy looking in direct proportion to my emptying wallet.

So, templates installed I sat back and waited for the cash to roll in. My get rich scheme of choice was selling Ebooks and of course the ever popular Adsense. The Ebooks explained to other soon to be rich internet marketers how selling Ebooks on the net would make them rich. The Ebooks were supplied by the guy I bought my first crappy templates from. He assured me that I could re-sell his books and make a killing. I assured my visitors that they could make a killing selling Ebooks just like me if they bought my Ebook. This is what is known as affiliate marketing - a surefire scheme for making money online whithout doing any actual work. I would make 50 percent a sale, maybe 60 percent, can't remember but it doesn't matter as I never sold a single Ebook. Didn't make a dime on the Adsense thing either. Apparently you can set up a crappy looking website and stock it with surefire Ebooks and nicely displayed Adsense ads and still not make money! The problem seemed to be that nobody bothered to search out my website from a small pool of 2 billion or so other crappy websites selling Ebooks and displaying Adsense ads.
Sheesh... what gives. This was supposed to be easy. Well not being the type of loser who gives up quickly or cheaply I decided that I just had to spend even more money and pay Google to place ads all over the cyber world which would direct all the would be Ebook buyers and Adsense clickers to my crappy little site. This is known as Adwords advertising and near as I can tell Google makes about a kazzillion dollars off this gimick from get rich quick guys like me. I couldn't have spent more than say $1000 but by gosh it worked! Suddenly I had people browsing my site - yahoo - oops I mean Google! Yup, my $1000 brought me at least a couple hundred people which worked out to about $5 a head. The only problem was that these people didn't understand the concept of clicking on my Adword ad in order to come to my crappy little site and give me money. The buggers simply stopped by and then left. Fotunately 2 of them clicked on one of my adsense ads and Google kindly reimbersed me 3 cents for my trouble. This was great as it lowered my investment in this get rich quick enterprise to $999.97 which made me feel loads better.

Half assed losers would have quit by now. Not me though... this had become a challenge and I was bound and determined to prove that I could become the biggest loser of all. It seemed that I just hadn't spent enough money to get rich quick yet. I set out to change this.

A short digression...

This is the part of my sales pitch where I tell you what this site is all about. You know the routine if you've surfed enough crappy websites. It's the one where I tell you this is a review site and, me being such a nice guy, I'm going to tell you what sites to avoid and how I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart and then at the end, still out of the goodness of my heart I'm going to mention that I have found a few programs that really truly honest to God work. These honest to God sites will have a convienient link for you to click that, just by coincidence, have an affiliate number attached to them that, again just by coincidence, happens to be my affiliate number and as luck would have it, you will help me get rich quick since I'm such a good guy and have warned you about all the bad guys out there. This is my plan. I just haven't found anything worth telling you about yet... but when I do, watch out cause I'm gonna take you for everything you have. You have been warned.

In the meantime I thought I would just tell you about all the crap out there that won't make you rich - quickly or otherwise. Why? Well mostly because I'm a spiteful bastard and I want to get back at all those jerks who have taken my money. If I can ruin at least one of their lives it will be worth all the cash I've hemmoraged. You may even pick up a few pieces of helpful info in the process. Nothing that will make you rich (I would keep that to myself if I knew of any) but maybe some tips that will save you money. The other reason is that I have a surefire plan that I need you to help me with that will probably not make either of us rich but it will piss off a lot of the internet Guru's and this is surely a worthy goal. More on that later if I don't run out steam.

end of digression...

So, where was I? Oh yeah, I had to spend more money in order to get rich quickly. Step one was to get more people to my site without giving Google any more money. I read an article in Forbes or some other pretenscious coffee table magazine that mentioned the Google guys were loaded, really really loaded actually and I just didn't want to add more to their burden of having to hire more people to count all that cash.

Bastards.

Yes I am an envious as well as spiteful bastard.

How does one get more people to their site without spending gobs of cash? There are several methods and I will mention them in passing but whatever you do - don't use them! You have probably seen or heard about traffic generation sites like adhits or Traffic Swarm and the like. These sites are set up to rotate ads for member websites. Membership is free. Why do I say not to use them? Simply put... they don't work. Sure you will have your site shown to hundreds or even thousands of other people. The problem is that all those other people are members just like you and they are not interested in your site any more than you are interested in their site. This would be wonderful if everybody clicked on the ads and bought something or at the very least clicked an Adsense ad. They don't however so this is a complete waste of your time. The other reason for not doing this is that Google doesn't like this method of advertising and if they catch you they will ban you for life. And they will catch you eventually as they seem to have the market on computer whizz kids all sewn up. Apparently having billions in pocket money can buy you the best talent. Bunch of sell outs if you ask me.


The best way to get free traffic is to write articles and stick them on GoArticles.com or any of the other article publication sites. The reason is simple. You get to include a link to your website at the bottom of your article. This does two things for you. First you may get traffic if someone reading your article clicks your link to see what your website is all about. The best reason however is that the articles can be downloaded and used on other websites which will give you both traffic and more importantly a link pointing back to your website. The more people who put your article on their website means more backlinks. The more backlinks you have the higher your Google page rank will be. The higher your page rank the higher your website will rank on the search engines and if you make it to page one on Google for your Keywords then you will be laughing all the way to the bank.

Let's back up a bit as I have just thrown a lot of stuff at you. What the hell am I babbling on about. Keywords? Page Rank? Search Engines? Back Links? I mentioned that I spent more money in my attempt to get rich. These are the types of things that I spent the money on in pursuit of something known as SEO or for the acronym challenged serch engine optimization. This is your lucky day since I'm going to give you the benefit of my newly gained and expensive knowledge for free. Lets stop here and pick up with a new post called Seo...

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